Resolution 1: Say No More Often
Resolution 2: Less Shit More Fun
I’m a people pleaser: firmly in the “better to give than to receive” category.
Ironically, while I love helping other people, I find it hard to accept help and I certainly never ask for it. Doubly ironic is that I know quite a few other type A people who are the same and they drive me crazy.
Gift giving and surprising people with treats is one of my favorite things – but I am awkward when being on the receiving end and have to work really hard at being gracious and accepting.
When I ‘m asked to do something, or to help, because I feel flattered, I rarely refuse. So in 2018, I am trying to say “no” more often because I tend to take on too much and become overwhelmed.
I WANT to make a difference, and I NEED to feel like I am contributing – but It must be worth it. It must be fulfilling: otherwise it’s a waste of time and energy.
Years ago, one of my bosses coined the phrase “Shit to Fun Ratio” which tickled my fancy and is my measuring tool for staying/continuing anything: Jobs, clubs, relationships, committees, projects…whatever.
Does it make me happy? Do I feel fulfilled – or do I just feel frustration and the need to kill someone?
Every situation has it’s share of crap to deal with. It’s when the crap is out of proportion to the fun and feel-good that you’ve got to know it’s time to say “sayonara”.
Leaving is hard – it’s always easier said than done, which is quite a dilemma. When you’re in the throes of making the decision, you tend to focus on what you’re going to MISS and LOSE – not what you’re going to gain. Last night I was at a party and was shocked to hear of a decision a friend had made. After a series of frustrations, she decided that the best thing for her to do (for HER) was to quit. She’d tried to fix things from within to no avail and was just DONE. I was sad but proud of her at the same time but it’s given me a jolt.
Recently I joined the board of Gwynne Vaughan Park which is a charitably society and I am love, love, LOVING it.
I have never worked with, or been part of, a group of people so friendly and welcoming.
They’re united by their love of the park, and they’re all gardeners. Members of the society are called “Friends”, which is how everyone is treated, and it’s genuine – nothing fake or forced about it.
Everyone works hard, with a big smile on their face…and there’s always a tea/coffee break built in. Anyone is welcome and their help is gratefully received and thoroughly appreciated.
I’ve been tentative in getting involved – not wanting to step on any toes or wade in and cause offence by being too forthright, or pushy.
But this group – oh my goodness! There are no big egos…not a sign of “that’s the way we’ve always done it”.
Instead I’ve experienced complete open mindedness, a thirst for new ideas and a willingness to try different approaches. They’re practical and pragmatic and well organized and I’ve observed how they appreciate and acknowledge everyone’s expertise. It’s a pleasure and a bit of a culture shock. I’ve never experienced anything quite like it.
Nice segue back to the Shit to Fun Ratio.
Crunch time is approaching for me to make some tough calls. I’m trying hard to weigh pros and cons. I am soul searching to see how much change I can create through having a different attitude and approach to the way things are working (or not). For me not caring isn’t an option.
So, in the end I will make a choice. I will choose less shit and more fun.
Happy New Year!