And what’s big about this news?
That’s supposed to be a joke.
Today is day 8, week 2, doing Weight Watchers.
This morning I spent some time “connecting” – reading the WW facebook page and feeling teary reading other peoples’ journeys and how much weight they have lost.
Some stories are triumphant, and some are desperate and many are guilt-ridden for falling off the program and wanting to get back on it.
I feel shame, and self-loathing. I am embarrassed and have to virtually force myself to go out sometimes because I cannot find anything that looks half decent – something that doesn’t make me look like the side of a bus. It’s horrible and the logical, sensible side of me can only sometimes overcome the self-talk.
I have sabotaged my own body. I have eaten too much, too often and often – MOST often, eaten the wrong things.
I know that every aspect of my life and my health will benefit from losing weight. My arthritis and asthma will improve. My back won’t be so sore. I will have more energy. I can go back to yoga, and swimming: I am SO excited for this.
I will feel more socially acceptable. I will be IN more photos instead of being behind the camera – and I will be able to fulfill more of my goals. My weight and appearance has stopped me from taking on some of the creative projects I want and need to pursue.
There are so many excuses I can make for my steady weight gain, especially over the past couple of years.
The weight started piling on when I started Love Cakes Bakery, and then subsequently my Bed and Breakfast.
When I started Love Cakes, people used to say to me that they couldn’t believe how I could stay in shape while baking all those cakes and goodies. Well – at the same time I was baking, I was also going to the gym and swimming.
Buttercream icing was the end to all of that. Then when the Bed and Breakfast got very popular and busy, I was cooking breakfast every day.
- Blueberry buttermilk pancakes
- Several types of fresh fruit
- Potato Rosti
There was No Possible Way that my guests could eat everything – so I used to eat leftovers. Not as a meal. I would just graze.
I was getting big. I had a couple of melt-downs when the scale would hit the 170lb mark and start back at the gym or go on a diet.
I would always do ok, until Thanksgiving, and then I would start Christmas baking, followed by Christmas eating and then it would be back to square one if I was lucky or square one plus a few pounds if not.
This past 2 years has been stressful. Horrendous. We put our house on the market in April 2018 and it has been on the market ever since. I closed the Bed and Breakfast in October 2018 and thought it would be less stressful keeping the house presentable for showings but it’s a never-ending job.
Countless deals have falled through: financing fell through, house sale fell through, business didn’t sell….and it goes on and on.
So now I am fat and BROKE – well, I have no income of my own and that’s really hard for me after being independent all my adult life.
We have been living out at Lindell Beach in our 5th wheel. since March/April. It’s a happier, healthier place for us. I really, really got into outdoor cooking and grilling. I made magnificent feasts every day. And I ate for the world. It took my mind off things. Being 30 minutes away from town, I have stayed home more. Nice and close to the pantry and fridge. I barely need to stand up from my desk to reach them.
I have clearly known I have needed to do something about this – it’s not rocket science.
I have tried most diets. I am not aware of any that I have not tried.
- The Cabbage Soup diet
- South Beach
- Herbal Magic
- Slim Fast even…
Cabbage soup was crazy and a great diet starter but it’s disgusting.
Banting was my favourite but my blood work scared me. and I found it hard to reconcile the amount of fat and the lack of fruit and vegetables.
I joined Weight Watchers, or as it’s now called, WW. It is my LAST diet.
My niece transformed herself with Weight Watchers but I had never really understood it and was sure that I didn’t have the time/patience/discipline to count everything. That was my understanding: You Have To Count Everything. I am way too busy for that. I guess I would rather be fat.
I saw the ads with Oprah “I love fries. I can have fries. On Weight Watchers I can eat anything I want”. How can that be a serious diet? I was so dumb not to believe Oprah the Oracle. She’s right about everything else.
In doing my research for my new diet I read about how WW works. I am sure it’s way easier than before because of the app and the online/digital offerings, but what I really liked was that there REALLY is nothing you CAN’T have. You can count any food or drink item and if you elect to have it, it comes off your daily points allowance.
I am on the green program. I can eat freely all fruit and all vegetables. Some starchy veges aren’t “free” or 0 points but you can still have them, you just have to count them.
The phone scan app is amazing. So simple.
I have been doing it legit for a full week. Lost 9.6lb and nearly down to my previously all time high weight…you know, the weight that I would go sobbing to Jim about. Can you see now why I hate myself? I weighed myself again today and I am down another 1.5lb.
My goal is to lose 50 pounds. Yup.
That will take me to the weight I was when I left school. I will be almost 20lb lighter than when I met my lovely husband in 2001.
Speaking of Jimmy…he is really pumped about this. He also wants to lose weight and we’re are enjoying both the food and the results we’re seeing.
As I said earlier, this morning when I went onto the WW support site and read posts from people on the same path I was hit by waves of emotion. It came from lots of different places. The most important place it came from was hope. I can truly visualise reaching my goal this time. I can SEE it, and I can FEEL how good it will be to get there. I really have faith in myself, and with WW I have the TOOLS I need to achieve my goal weight.
I’ve already decided what I am going to wear when I get my new body. A complete change of image/style. I’ve started a Pinterest board and I can hardly wait.
I remember seeing a Jennifer Hudson interview with Oprah and she said that one of the big changes of her 80lb weight loss was that she wore colours again – instead of always wearing black. That’s what I am looking forward to, too. Colour. I didn’t really put it together until now, that J Hud also used Weight Watchers for her transformation. I should have taken notice of THAT sooner.
I don’t want anyone wishing me luck. I don’t need luck.
I’ve got this.
PS If anyone wants to join me on this journey, drop me a message xx